I have a problem. I have lost almost all motivation for school.
“I’ll just do it another time. I’m just not feeling it today.”
This is what I keep saying to myself as my impending assignments creep up on me. My responsibilities start to pile up and school work gets handed in late.
I find myself skipping class more and more because I say to myself, “We’re not doing anything inherently important today.”
Now that I have an editor position in the newspaper, I don’t want to be the reason the other editors have to do extra work. I don’t want to be dead weight. I want to make a contribution to this newspaper that isn’t just laying out page two.
I have to peel myself out of my bed every morning. And these days the only reason I actually go to school is for the classmates and friends I don’t want to let down.
And I’m not entirely sure when it started.
When was the last time I didn’t hand something in either last minute or late? When was the last time I put all my effort into my stories and photography? When was the last time I looked at something I created and thought “Wow, that’s really good”?
I even have trouble finding the motivation to write this column about lacking motivation.
I’ve been living by a “due tomorrow, do tomorrow” lifestyle. And I’m starting to see it negatively affect not only my grades, but my personal life as well.
This is a terrible outlook to have while in school. Even I know when I’m not living up to my own standards. I could be doing so much more.
I don’t really know why I’m writing this. Is it because I have a quota of stories I must write before the end of the semester? Is it because I don’t want to fail?
Maybe this is step one in my plans to get back on track. Maybe this is my wake-up call to myself.
I can still turn this around. I still have time. There has been too much time and money spent into everything to just give up now.
Time to get my shit together.